Cyanide and Happiness: Jesus Foot Prints

Since we're on the subject of Jesus, and because I do love Him.  Here's a little Cyanide & Happiness for your day.

Just Sayn'

My conservative Christian friends hate it when I bring this up, but it's true.  Jesus never said anything about homosexuality, yet they live by the word of God in it's entirety.  Well... supposedly, because you know they break the law by speeding, drinking, dancing, cursing, smoking, and divorcing.   

Oh BTW, I'm Gay and a Christian.

My Christian Thoughts - Issue #5 - The Bible Never Changes, Science Does

Honesty, thank God, Lord Jesus, this man was never elected.  OMG, what an idiot.  I'm sorry, but people like Joe infuriate me, especially those who claim to be God-fearing, God-loving Christians.

It's a Sunday and it's My Christian Thoughts!

So apparently, Joe the plumber can't stop reminiscing about those glory days when he and his football buddies would play "Smear the Queer" - because that was normal.  I'm going to say he was probably one of those that also beat up on the smaller boys.  But today isn't about smearing us gay men, it's about this video.

In it, Joe talks about when he became a Christian and his youth pastor showed him the light.  That unlike our Science books that keep being revised, because we humans are still trying to figure things out, The Holy Bible never changes.  Oh, I love how pastors like to use analogies when trying to explain things - it makes them so much smarter.

I'm going to refer you to an earlier  post, "Isn't This The Truth? How Many More Versions?", where I explained the reasoning behind "versions" and "translations" of the Bible.  So yes, The Holy Bible has been revised several times, and it's because "Humans are still trying to figure things out".

Has it ever occurred to Mr. Wurzelbacher that Science books change because answers are found, discoveries are being made, and Polio is 99% gone from the world?  That the car he drives to work, the pill he swallows for a headache, and the chair he is sitting on, are all owed to science.

I can go on and on, but I'm going to close with this.  Joe, if you're going to say something, do a little research on it before you speak your mind.  And for those who feel I'm wrong for saying the things I say, I'm sorry, but the truth may hurt a little.  These are My Christian Thoughts after all.

Cyanide and Happiness: Jesus Second Coming

My Christian Thoughts - Issue #4 - The Baptist Pastor Who Encouraged Parents to Punch Their Boys

I first heard the following audio on Anderson Cooper last May, and was so angry about it I wanted to immediately share My Christian Thoughts on the matter.   Unfortunately, I was on blog break and my blogging was sporadic at best; But now that I have this new series every Sunday, I do have something to say.

"So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, “Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that is what boys do,” you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Can I make it any clearer? Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male. And when your daughter starts acting to Butch you reign her in. And you say, “Oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.”

You say, “Can I take charge like that as a parent?”

Yeah, you can. You are authorized. I just gave you a special dispensation this morning to do that."

There's a special place in hell for Baptist Pastors like you, Mr. Sean Harris.  And if any of you reading this think and act like this, there's a special place for you too.  Oh, I'm sorry, am I being judgemental?  Am I judging you?  Since it's okay for you to do it to me, I think I have that right too, no?

But guess what, I'm not.  I'm not a hater - I'm a lover.  I love you regardless if you hate me.  I love you regardless if you rather see me in some prison camp for the gays.  I love you regardless if you "choose" to be straight.  I love you because my heart has no room for nothing else.

See the clear picture? 

It's love.  Jesus loves, God loves, and I love.  And this is who I will emulate - not you - the Christian who pretends to be of God.

My Christian Thoughts - Issue #3 - 13 Things The Bible Forbids (That You're Probably Guilty of Doing)

You mean apart from speeding? Because you know everyone does it.  LOL.  

I grew up as a Christian - still am.  My own father baptized me, because our Pastor was ill that particular Wednesday night.  But being Christian is more than just believing in a higher being.  Being Christian is loving your neighbor as thyself.  And I can name a few who proclaim to say they love me, but it's more like "I love you, that's why I'm telling you you're living in sin and are going to hell.  This thing you are, 'Gay' is an abomination!".  Kinda funny since Jesus never mentioned anything about homosexuality.

Courtesy of the Huffington Post, I am using these images as part of today's "My Christian Thoughts".  So if you're getting a haircut today, or going to work - I'm sorry, but you're damned to hell!

It's probably not a good idea to get any Tattoos.  If you have some, get them removed.

Leviticus 19:28 states:
Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

Thinking about getting a haircut?  It better be certain kind or else.

Leviticus 19:27 states:
Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

If there's ever been a time where you've cursed your parents, I'm sorry but you should have been killed a long time ago.

Exodus 21:17 states:
"And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death."

I sure hope your marriage lasts, because getting remarried after divorcing is not a good thing.

Mark 10:11-12 states:
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

Sorry men, but if you're private parts are injured or removed in some terrible accident.  You're not allowed in the building of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 23:1 states:
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

If your husband gets into a fight, I recommend you wives better stay out of it.  If you still want your hands!

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 states:
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets

Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

Ahhh, for those who love to eat ham sandwiches, pork skins, or bacon!!!

Leviticus 11:7-8 reads:
And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.

Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

You women need to keep your mouths shut.  No, really.

1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states:
Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Ohhh gossipers!  None exist. LIE!!!!

Leviticus 19:16 states:
Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the LORD.

If you're going to work today - you better not.  This is no time for typing, shoveling, or trying to support a family.

Exodus 31:14-15 states:
"Ye shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it is holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: for whosoever doeth any work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people.

Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.

I'm not even going to go here, because the likelihood that you're a virgin before getting married is slim to none, and a lot of you women - men included - should have been put to death a long time ago.

Deuteronomy 22:20-21 states:
But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:

Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you

And don't go talking to a Psychic, much less look for Harry Potter.

Leviticus 19:31 reads:
Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.

Finally, for those who love their shrimp, lobster and many other types of seafood.  You're Screwed!!!!  See you in hell.

Leviticus 10-11 states:
And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

Cyanide and Happiness: Only The Lord Jesus Can Judge Us

My Christian Thoughts - Issue #2 - The Subway Preacher

In today's My Christian Thoughts I'd like to talk about a video I saw last week.  The issue hits close to home, because I remember portraying the pastor or preacher in this video.  The debauchery that takes place really upsets me and it does so, because who are we to judge other people?  Who are we to tell other people what to do?  I understand teaching or sharing The Word, but I don't agree with forcing it down a person's throat.  In the end, we will be judged individually by a higher Being if this is what we choose to believe, and for those who don't - more power to you.

I lost countless of friends in high school and in college, because I was preaching to them - telling them they were going to hell, because they didn't belong to the true "Church of Christ".  Imagine me going up to a Catholic, a Baptist, a Presbyterian, a Methodist or a Mormon, telling them, "you, your mom, sister, brother and family are going to hell - all of you!  And if you don't change your religion soon, you will feel the fire deep in those pits!"

Yep, that was me.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in God - a loving and beautiful God who made me who I am.  Who is there beside me every day, and will be, until the day I die.  And this is what I choose to believe.  It's not your or anyone else's job to tell me it's not gonna happen.  My transformation took time, and I am so grateful to God that it happened, but that's another story - another issue of "My Christian Thoughts."

What is so remarkable about the video is the response the gay man receives after being chastised for over two minutes. 

[Excerpts from the video]
Instead of attempting to ignore a "preacher" spewing homophobic rants, a gay New York City subway rider decided to confront him.

On Saturday, a street preacher went on an anti-gay tirade on one of NYC's subway lines, according to New York Mag's Daily Intelligencer. The preacher yelled about society's poor influence on children, likened gay men to pedophiles and claimed "Michael Jackson died because he was gay" to a crowded subway car.

But one stranger wasn't having it.

"You teach hate," the man, wearing a khaki coat and a large fur hat, responded. "You are false. You are a false prophet. Do not listen to this man. He's scared. He's full of hatred."

The man continued to stand his ground and revealed that yes, he is gay, and yes, God still loves him. "I'm a man. And I'm a good man," he said. "And I'm a gay man and Jesus loves me! Jesus loves me!"

The gay man's eloquence moved his fellows riders so much that it was met by a rousing round of applause. 

Quoted - Martin Luther King, Jr. on Loving Your Enemies

“Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. Just keep being friendly to that person. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies.” 

~ Martin Luther King Jr. from his speech, A Knock at Midnight

Have You Accepted Jesus?

I already know I'm going to be saved, but do you?  I'm sorry, this was too funny not to share...

Just Sayn'

Documentaries To Watch: The Bully Project

If you don't want to read any of what I have to say, at least view the trailer down below.

Sometimes I just want to go back to a school, ANY school, and be some kind of instructor, teacher, counselor, or monitor that just watches out for these kids. I can see how spotting every bullying situation could be difficult for teachers and administrators alike, but at the same time I was harassed for years consistently and not once, NOT ONCE, did any teacher or administrator do a fucking thing about it.  Until my mom forced them to.

Over a period of four years, 5-8 grade, at lunch, in class, in the locker room, at physical education, in the halls.... there wasn't a single place except maybe the bathroom where I wasn't tormented. This behavior in school will never stop until something is done. Now that I think about it, only you can stop someone from bullying another person when you witness it in action. Trying to handle it through force or punishment isn't possible. Only through educating the students as early as kindergarten on why bullying is wrong and hurtful will be the only way to stop all this pain.

These kids need to be taught how horrible it can feel to be on the other end of the jokes, harassment and ridicule, but also learn how easy and misguided one can be to join in on the fun - taking part without realizing the damage they have done.

Teach them the power of words and how much more of an impact they can sometimes be than a fist to the face. Words can stop bullying and create new friends, yet still have the ability to cause unimaginable pain depending on how they're used.

Show them how being smart or small or different or gay is not the equivalent to being a freak, something wrong or a very bad thing. Being unique is a gift. It's special because you're not like everyone else. You're you, and you're great just for being who you are. It's a message that isn't shared enough today.

But no matter what is done in the schools to teach our kids to be kind to each other, as long as they continue to see horrible examples of bigotry, hate and abuse set by our politicians, pastors and parents, there will never be an end to the suffering and fear some kids face every day they go to school. This can be changed. It can no longer be accepted as a rite of passage or child's play, and to anyone out there that would dare call the protection of a gay child from anti-gay rhetoric "freedom of religion" or "anti-Christian bigotry"...... to hell with you.

I know this is a very inappropriate stance to take and is the absolute worst way to try and bring all people together to stop this epidemic....but seriously...to hell with you! Open your mind, your heart and your eyes and see that these kids are dying right in front of us. They are innocent and have done nothing to deserve this, but when you hide behind your religious beliefs to cloak your hatred and bigotry you are the bullies. You are the instigators. You are the cause of this pain and suffering that no loving God would condone, and you are an accessory to murder if you do not change your words and actions that have farther reaching consequences then you could ever imagine. Stop worrying about the life of an unborn fetus and start caring about the child that cries himself to sleep every night because he knows he's different, he knows he can't change, and all he wants is the torture and pain to stop so that he can truly be loved just the way he is. Will you love him for who he is or condemn him for being a sinner? What would Jesus really do.

We all have the power to stop this ongoing tragedy. Whether it be taking action to enact anti-bullying laws, speaking to your school administrators or simply having a conversation with your child. I beg all of you to do something, anything, to try and attempt to eradicate this evil that has been going on in our schools for way too long. I can't say this enough but these kids are dying, and unless we act, more will continue to have their lives cut short by this catastrophe that is bullying. Don't be the parent standing over the grave of your 12 year old child. Don't be the school official that didn't intervene and say something. Don't be the person that talks about religious values when you can't even comprehend what they truly mean. Don't be a bully and don't be a bystander that does nothing. Be a hero. It's definitely not an easy task and it never will be, but someone has to do it. There is no Superman. There is only you and your ability to love and be kind to others, over an easy choice to hate. You have the power. Make the right decision. Stop bullying today.

Almost a year ago, my partner Peter posted this trailer on his blog, Blade 7184 that moved me beyond words, and it will finally be released on March 9, 2012.  Please watch it, it would mean a lot if you did.

Must Watch: Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

The following video was posted 2 days ago, and it will probably reach 3 million views by the end of the day.  It has been causing a firestorm among Republicans and the hardcore Christians, but ironically enough, most of them are siding with the words this young man, Jefferson Bethke has written.  People I thought would never condone this video are stating something positive about it.  Almost every status update on Facebook where I've seen this video posted have said, "Wow".

And "Wow" is right.  The poem Jeff recites in this video is meaningful and downright powerful.  He wrote a masterpiece of a Poem, and the commendation is well deserved.

When you can move people by simply writing and saying something as beautiful as this, you know you've done something right.

A poem I wrote to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion. In the scriptures Jesus received the most opposition from the most religious people of his day. At it's core Jesus' gospel and the good news of the Cross is in pure opposition to self-righteousness/self-justification. Religion is man centered, Jesus is God-centered. This poem highlights my journey to discover this truth. Religion either ends in pride or despair. Pride because you make a list and can do it and act better than everyone, or despair because you can't do your own list of rules and feel "not good enough" for God. With Jesus though you have humble confident joy because He represents you, you don't represent yourself and His sacrifice is perfect putting us in perfect standing with God!

Lyrics after the jump...

I Quote That - Socialist

What Made Everything Possible on Christmas?

According to several Facebookers someone or something made CHRISTmas possible.  

This is blasphemy! LOL.

What a Hot Mess: Santa and Machine Guns

In times like this I would say, "Only in Texas".  But imagine my surprise when I learned that in Scottsdale, Arizona, you can take pictures with Santa holding a machine gun.  Oh, and by the way give the rest of the family a gun too, it makes for a much better picture. Jesus Christ!  

Wasn't Christmas supposed to be about celebrating someone's birthday?  What a Hot Mess!

The family event allows people to take a holiday card picture with St. Nick -- and a high-powered fire arm.

Santa poses against a backdrop of an $80,000 Garwood minigun.

Families can choose to pose with other firearms, ranging from pistols to modified AR15s.

They also get a chance to test out the machine guns.

[source]

I Quote That - My Two Dads

What a Hot Mess: Have Yourself A Very Merry Biebmas

Seriously?  It's October.  OCTOBER!!!!!  WHAT A HOT MESS!

Justin Bieber has released his first Christmas single, "Under The Mistletoe", and with all the flak they give Lady Gaga, this song sounds eerily familiar to other tracks I've heard before.

But guess what?  You're going to hear this song over the holidays over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and... do I need to go any further?  Might as well start listening to it now.

7 million views on YouTube and it's only been out 3-1/2 days.  Jesus Christ!  Sorry Jesus, It's the Biebs, he's in charge now - everyone idolizes this kid. 

What a Hot Mess: Going Loco For Jesus

So obviously finding Jesus isn't just about punching your friend in the face for no apparent reason, it's about destroying your posters, breaking up with your girlfriend (or boyfriend), eating your CDs, and getting rid of your TVs.

This video clip entitled "How to be a Real Man," found at a flea market in Berea, Ohio, is from an actual film released in the 1980's.  It shows hip teenagers that life isn't only about slightly incorrect Spanish translations and punching your friends in the face for no reason, it's about you and what a hot mess you've become!

Ding Dong, The Witch is Not Dead!

If you're reading this, stop.  Have you already caught up on all your True Blood episodes?  If you haven't, leave now, because I'm going to write shit you probably don't want to know.

What I'm still trying to figure out is why the hell Marnie let Jesus and Lafayette into a room with a dead body? Did she do this on purpose? In either case, at the end of the latest episode, Jesus unbinded Antonia from Marnie and allowed Sookie to survive from the ring of fire.  

All the while, the crazy vampires, Eric, Pam, Jessica, and Bill, who come to destroy the witches' cove are outside arguing if they should save Sookie or Not, big brother comes in her defense, the witches' vampire shield (much like a bug shield that will zap you into smithereens) comes down, the vampires rush in, Eric kills one of the witches, sucks on his heart like he's drinking a sangria out of a 7-Eleven Slurpee, and they shoot the crap out of the wicked witch of the west, Marnie.  

But guess what????  The Witch is not actually dead!  She jumps into Lafayette's body at the end of the episode as a cliffhanger.

In other True Blood news... Sam loses his brother Tommy to a pack of wolves who beat him to a pulp in the previous week's episode.  Sam goes on a rampage and goes after the said wolves with the help of Alcide who btw, finds out his girlfriend Debbie was shagging/not shagging Sam's girlfriend's ex-husband, Marcus.  After Sam throws a few punches, and a couple of "Fuck You's," he allows him to live, but Alcide kills him anyway.

Oh... and we find out the fairies' taste in men.  They love having sex with fat, burly men like Andy.  Geezus, couldn't they have chosen Jason Stackhouse?  Andy, really?  What the hell were the producers drinking.  Yes, I meant to say drinking.

Stay tuned for the final episode on Sunday, September 12th!