Cyanide and Happiness: Words

Top 10 Crazy Facts About Kim Jong Il

Listverse posted this on their website back in May of 2010, and I thought I'd share it with you since Kim Jong Il passed away yesterday.  The first 5 facts are actually "lies" and not "facts" that Kim led his people to believe.  The world knows Kim Jong Il was big on brainwashing his people.

North Korea’s pint-sized dictator was a master of propaganda and social manipulation, but he also apparently suffered from insecurity, delusion, and severe OCD. Here are 10 “facts” about Kim Jong Il, as reported by the media. The word “facts” is in quotes because the first 5 on the list are examples of propaganda that Kim Jong Il uses to brainwash his citizens into maintaining his almost god-like image. The last 5 are actual facts.

10 - Supernatural

The “Fact”: He had a supernatural birth

According to North Korean historical literature, Kim Jong Il was born in a log cabin inside a secret base on Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Paekdu. At the moment of his birth, a bright star lit up the sky, the seasons spontaneously changed from winter to spring, and rainbows appeared. This contradicts way less interesting Western accounts of his birth, which state the dictator was born in a guerilla camp in Russia, while his father was on the run from the Japanese.

9 - Fashion Forward

The “Fact”: He is a fashion trendsetter

According to North Korea’s newspaper Rodong Sinmun, Kim Jong Il’s iconic style has become a global phenomenon. The inspired look of his zipped up khaki tunics with matching pants has been spreading across the world, an obvious testament to his outstanding image and influence. The paper didn’t mention the popularity of the 4 inch platform shoes Kim wears, but his oversized shades definitely seem to be a big hit with the women of Hollywood.

8 - Loved the World Over

The “Fact”: The world loves him

According to state-run media, Kimg Jong Il is the most prominent statesman in the present world, and people in countries the whole planet over celebrate his birthday with films and festivals. In reality, most nations are confused by his erratic foreign policy decisions on important issues such as N. Korea’s nuclear program.

7 - Ratburgers

The “Fact”: He invented the hamburger

Since any American influences have long since been banned in his tiny communist country, Kim Jong Il had no choice but to create some new non-Western food by himself. North Korean newspaper Minju Joson reported that Kim Jong Il invented a new sandwich called “double bread with meat” in an attempt to provide “quality” food to university students. He then built a plant capable of mass hamburger production to feed his students and teachers, despite the fact that the majority of his citizens battle famine on a daily basis.

6 - Golfing Glory

The “Fact”: He is the best natural golfer in history

In 1994, it was reported by Pyongyang media outlets that Kim Jong Il shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course – including 5 holes in one! That score is 25 shots better than the best round in history, and is made even more amazing by the fact that it was his first time playing the sport. It’s said Kim Jong Il would routinely sink 3 or 4 holes in one per round of golf, and – lucky for the PGA – he has since given it up.

5 - Addiction

The Fact: If he gets addicted to a drug, everyone else does too

According to a book written by one of Kim Jong Il’s ex-staff members, he was once injured by falling off his horse when it slipped on loose rocks. He was afraid of becoming addicted to the painkillers that his doctors prescribed him, so he had members of his administrative staff injected daily with the same dosages he had to take. He did this so he wouldn’t be the only one hooked on the drug.

4 - In the Movies

The Fact: He once kidnapped a prominent director to film a Godzilla ripoff for him

Shin Sang-ok, a South Korean filmmaker, was kidnapped by Kim Jong Il, sent to prison, and eventually forced to make a film called Pulgasari that was basically a communist propaganda version of Godzilla. After Shin and his wife managed to escape North Korea while location scouting in Austria, Kim Jong Il shelved Pulgasari and all of Shin’s other work. Kim Jong Il has since given specific instruction to his Ministry of Culture and his communist filmmakers: “Make more cartoons.”

3 - Hitler Much?

The Fact: He had disabled and short people deported from his capital

In preparation for the World Festival of Youth and Students in 1989, Kim Jong Il had disabled residents removed from Pyongyang. The government also distributed pamphlets advertising a wonder drug that would increase the height of short people. Those who responded to the pamphlets were sent away to different uninhabited islands along with the disabled in an attempt to rid the next generation of their supposedly substandard genes.

2 - Great Booze

The Fact: At one time was the world’s biggest buyer of Hennessy

For a few years in the early 1990s, it was confirmed by Hennessy that Kim Jong Il was it’s best customer, spending about $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the liquor. He is partial to the Paradis cognac, which can sell for over $700 per bottle. In comparison, the average North Korean makes about $1000 per year.

1 - City of Dreams

The Fact: He maintains a city that was built just to be looked at

Kijong-Dong is a propaganda city that was originally built in the 1950s by Kim Jong Il’s father right on the border, this was to display the North’s superiority to the South and also to encourage people to defect. It has no actual residents, but an extensive effort has been put forth to simulate a functioning city, including lights on set timers, and street sweepers to create an illusion of activity. The use of modern telescopes has revealed that the units lack window glass, and some buildings are just concrete shells that don’t even have interior rooms. The city also houses the world’s largest flagpole, complete with a 300lb. North Korean flag.

Where Were You On That Cloudy September Day in 2001?

"I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who's responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women and children." 

These were the words broadcast late last night, as Ryan and I watched President Obama explain what had just happened. He had given the order to kill Osama bin Laden after months of secret intelligence briefings kept under wraps from the American people and the world.  

"Last August, after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden," Obama said. "It was far from certain. And it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we could locate bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside Pakistan." 

"Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan," the president continued. "A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight they killed Osama Bin Laden and took custody of his body."

I moved to Houston from Corpus Christi on August 16, 2001, and in less than one month's time, one of the most memorable events in our nation's history took place.  I remember sitting down as a PBX operator at The Woodlands Resort and Conference Center when the news broke out, "the towers in New York have been hit by a missile!" someone yelled.  At that moment, everyone jumped and ran to the main lobby to see the real-time events on the big screen.

We knew that one of the Twin Towers in New York had been hit, but no one was sure what it was.   A few minutes later, the world watched unimaginably in shock, as another plane hit the second tower.  You couldn't hear a pin drop as everyone gasped and covered their mouths - our eyes open, and our hearts beating a mile a minute.  

Tears ran down our faces as we saw the images of people jumping for their lives and the anguish people were feeling while this was happening before our very eyes.  The last time I felt so heartbroken was back in 1986 when the Space Shuttle Challenger, with all it's crew on board, exploded.   

Never in a million years did I expect another horrific moment to happen before my very eyes.

"It was nearly 10 years ago that a bright September day was darkened by the worst attack on the American people in our history," Obama said. "The images of 9/11 are seared into our national memory -- hijacked planes cutting through a cloudless September sky; the Twin Towers collapsing to the ground; black smoke billowing up from the Pentagon; the wreckage of Flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, where the actions of heroic citizens saved even more heartbreak and destruction."

"The empty seat at the dinner table. Children who were forced to grow up without their mother or their father. Parents who would never know the feeling of their child's embrace. Nearly 3,000 citizens taken from us, leaving a gaping hole in our hearts," Obama said.

 "Tonight we give thanks to the countless intelligence and counter-terrorism professionals who have worked tirelessly to achieve this outcome," Obama said. "The American people do not see their work nor know their names, but tonight they feel the satisfaction of their work and the result of their pursuit of justice."

And I couldn't have said it better myself when Obama thanked our U.S. Military for Sunday's operation that they, "exemplify the professionalism, patriotism and unparalleled courage of those who serve our country. And they are part of a generation that has borne the heaviest share of burden since that September day."