My intention was to share this with you before Christmas but I completely forgot about it. But since it's almost the end of the year, there's no better time like the present.
My dear Jacob,
As I was going through a box of keepsakes, I came across a Christmas list you had written when you were a young boy. On the list were things we could easily find in stores, and I always enjoyed finding them for you, wrapping them up and putting them under our tree. You were always so appreciative and opened them with great joy. The joy Papa and I felt was even greater.
There is only one gift I want to give you this year. I have wanted to give it to you for many years. I have tried in every way possible to find a way to give it to you. It would bring me the greatest joy of all.
How do I give you equality? How do I give you back the years you have missed "not being equal" in this world?
Your high school and college years should have been ones where you dated and went to proms and dances with someone you were attracted to and wanted to spend time with as a couple. You should not have had to spend those years working for your equality. You should not have had to defend your dignity. You should not have had to miss out on the simple pleasures of a young teen and a young adult.
There is no way I can give you back those years, those times when you should have been having fun, enjoying life, and growing from those experiences.
You had a passion for justice even as a child. I remember when you were 4 and refused to eat supper until I had actually written the check for Save the Children. You were the watchdog in your kindergarten classroom after you felt your teacher was wrong to rip up a child's painting in front of the class in her effort to teach them to write their names on their papers. On that day you spoke truth to power so eloquently as you confronted your teacher after school.
As soon as you came out to us, you wanted to start a gay/straight alliance at your high school. We worried for your safety, but even more for the isolation it might have brought as you worked to make it happen. You reached out to students, teachers, and the administration and created your school's first gay/straight alliance. When you were in college and heard that there were students being kicked out of colleges simply because they were gay, you founded the Soulforce Equality Ride to confront that terrible wrong.
Each of those times you taught me to take action and not be silent in the face of injustice. You have led me, and you have taught me throughout your life.
Maybe that is why it is so hard for me to face Christmas each year and not be able to wrap up the one gift I most want to give you. As a mother, it is such a part of my being to want to nurture and love my children. It is the mother in me that wants to protect and provide for you. It is the mother in me that is hurting so much when I am helpless in being able to give you the one gift I have wanted to give you since the day you told us you were gay.
I want to give you equality. I want to wrap it up in a beautiful box, and I want to put it under our tree right now. I want to see you open it on Christmas Eve and with great joy live with it all your days.
I love you,
Mama
9 comments:
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Have you seen "For The Bible Tells Me So?" It's sooooooo good!
Unfortunately, I haven't. But I will definitely have to check it out.
This guy and his family are on it. I cried so many times through that documentary!
OH GOD, then I will definitely cry when I see it. thanks for sharing :-)
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This is so sweet and awesome. Just great.
I saw it a few years ago, that movie. It was really good and this kid and his family are powerful activists. I'm glad they are doing what I cannot. I can't afford to drive from school to school to stand up for what I believe is right, but I can come out and be proud of who I am. That is our most powerful asset to being gay, the ability to tell our closest family and friends that we are not equal in the eyes of our country because of who we love and choose to spend the rest of our lives with. When they see that normal Americans are not being treated fairly then peoples' minds soon begin to change. Even strangers, that may not know us personally, need to know that we exist. I find that coming out is never easy, even today, especially when you're living in a deeply southern Republican red state and you have no idea how this person is going to react when you tell them that I have a partner. It took me four times to tell this older lady at work to make her understand that I had a husband when she asked if I was married. They see my ring and ask and I reply that I have a partner. He's my husband and I've been with him for nearly seven years. I love my man and he's the greatest thing ever. Something around those words. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes I'm caught of guard and surprised by the question, but I've learned to be stronger now. I always answer with a smile while being very stern. That is my activism. That is my voice in the fight for equality, aside from voting. I do wish that my equal rights, and the time that would have been different if I would have had them, would be wrapped up under our Christmas tree. I can see it in a big square box covered in rainbow wrapping paper, of course. It's looks so beautiful, and though it may not exist yet, one day it will. And while the equality will be greatly appreciated, I don't need time to make up for anything. As nice as it would have been to go to the prom with a boyfriend without judgement, I'm making up for it all 100 times fold by just being with the man I love. The man I'm proud to say I love to anyone, who may or may not ask. He has made my life the best that it ever was, and though I may have had to fight and survive to get to this point in my life, it was surely well worth it. The love that my partner and I have for each other and the love this mother has for her son, as all our parents have for us, is what keeps us strong and what will also help change the minds and the policies of this great country of ours. Time is on our side and as long as we can tough it out and survive, I fully believe that we will both live to see the day when we will have equal rights as gay Americans in the state of TX and every state in the USA. We may be pushing 80 but it'll happen. The letter was wonderful, my love. Thank you so much for sharing it, and thank you so much for loving me and making my life so much better. This boy is very lucky, as I am too. My only Christmas wish is that all GLBT children can have loving and understanding parents just like them. To those who don't: Please continue to fight on and know that someone out there does love you just the way you are. What they say is true, it does get better.
what a beautiful response, my love it was more than perfect.
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