Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 25

Go get your gun.  Seriously.  After you take a look at today's issue of "Foods That Will Make You Fat", you will wish you had one, or use the one you got.

I'm going to say this only once.  That bitch, Paula Dean needs to go to prison.  She is going to kill everyone on this planet with her recipe ideas.  She's the reason we have all these idiots coming up with these insane concoctions.  Lady's Brunch Burger, really?

Lady's Brunch Burger

She's become a star on the Food Network and has been responsible for millions of lives.  This bitch needs to go to prison.  Her name is Paula Dean.  Okay, so I lied, I said it twice.  This woman who introduced us to heart attacks and strokes at an early age is not your average mother or grandmother.  Look at that yummy sandwich up there, isn't that a sandwich fit for a Lady?  Hell NO!  A lady wouldn't touch that if she had an ounce of class left in her.  A hamburger patty topped with a fried egg & bacon, in-between 2 Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Are you kidding me? Does it make your mouth water? Ugh.. I'm done with her.

Surprise Cake

Doesn't this cake look delicious!  It looks like a yummy pineapple upside down cake, doesn't it?  Zoom in a little closer....  yeah, you see what I see!!!  SHRIMP and PIGGIES!   It's 2 layers of yellow cake with a sweet mayo frosting covered in ham and topped with shrimp, pineapple, mandarin oranges and a cherry.  The only good thing about this hot mess of cake..... it's only made in Sweden.  Supposedly it's very popular on kid's birthdays over there.  Now I don't know which country's worse.  And it's not called a surprise cake, it's called a Smorgastarta aka shrimp and ham cake.

The Atlanta Exit Wound

This is when you get your gun.  Do it now, because when I tell you what's in this hot mess of a pot, you will die regardless.  The bottle of hot sauce I can deal with, but when you say 4 packages of cream cheese, a bottle of blue cheese dressing (yes, a whole bottle), and 6 chopped chicken breasts, I.....

Other Uses for Toasters

Man, I'm on a roll with these "other uses for things" postings.  LOL, yesterday I mentioned Oreos, and on Thursday I mentioned Candy Corn.  Now it's Toasters!  To make an excellent grilled cheese sandwich, turn your toaster sideways on a heat-resistant surface and insert bread and cheese.  It's that simple. No more messy pans, butter or spatulas!  This is pure genius!

Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 23

Are people really this stupid?  Oh wait!

Sorry, wrong segment.  This is about Foods That Will Make You Fat, Right?

You're probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me, but after witnessing a Porkgasm for the first time, I absolutely lost it.  I couldn't remember whether I was coming or going.  Seriously, who comes up with these terrible concoctions?  Is it a sin to eat these type of foods?  Or is it a sin to overindulge yourself with food? I forget.

The Porkgasm

Shoot me now!  No. Really.  I don't even know what to say about this hot mess of a recipe.  The piggy above consists of bacon strips, bacon sausage, ham sausage, ham slices, smoked pork sausage and roasted pork belly surrounded by ground sausage, wrapped in bacon and roasted. Oh, and you can't forget the garnish, chili peppers for the ears and tail - the only fat free thing on this god-forsaken plate.  And what the hell is bacon sausage?

Egg n' Ham Sammich

Awww, why don't we give this horrible sandwich a cute little name like "sammich."  Really?  What idiot came up with this crazy mess?  And why would they use only 11 eggs and not a full dozen?  Whatever. This regular ham and cheese sandwich comes complete with 11 sunny-side up egg yolks, bread, ham and cheese.  Doesn't it look appetizing?

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger

The Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger consists of the following: two sausage and pepperoni pizzas (serving as the bun), a 5-pound hamburger patty, two pounds of bacon, and two pounds cheese (plus an onion and two bulbs of garlic).  You think I'm kidding don't you?  You think I come up with all this crap on my own and just post it for laughs, right?  DAMMIT, YOU'RE WRONG!  Here's the other 9 pictures that preceded the one up above.

Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 21

Can you believe I've posted 21 issues of "Foods That Will Make You Fat"?  It seems like just yesterday when I started this series.  I wonder how many of you have changed their eating habits over the past several months.  I know I have.  I'm currently on the TicTac diet.

Just kidding.  I'm not on no diet, but I am making a better judgement on my food choices and trying to eat healthier.  Trust me, if you were to eat half the crap I post on this site, you wouldn't be alive today.

Cheesy Mac n Rib

What more could you ask for in a cheesy sandwich?  In this delicious sandwich you have your 2 oz of unsalted butter, 1-1/2 oz. of Mayonaise, 1 cup of your favorite macaroni & cheese recipe, 1/4 of small onion cut into 1/4 strips, 2 teaspoons of butter (regular butter this time), 1/2 cup of pulled piggie meat, 1/4 cup of your favorite BBQ sauce and 3 slices of sharp cheddar cheese.  Oh and I forgot the 2 slices of buttermilk bread. 'Nuff said.

Fried Chicken Skin

When I first read about this, I almost threw up.  Who in their right mind would eat this crap? Really?  You know what - scratch that.  I vividly remember my sister loving to eat the skin off the chicken.  Then again.... we do eat it when we have fried chicken, don't we?  So why not sell it by itself, right?  Don't worry, KFC will have it available in a sandwich soon.

The Fat Koko

Look at that sandwich, what can you see?  Honestly, all I can see is bread, maybe roast beef, and fries possibly.  Well... it actually comes with a bread roll, cheesesteak, mozzarella sticks, french fries, and hot sauce.  Seriously, how can anyone bite into this? Look at the girth on that sandwich.  Geez.

YES!  THESE FOODS WILL MAKE YOU FAT!