Cyanide and Happiness: Pizza

Healthy 12-Inch Thin Crust Pizza Extravaganza

Please make sure to check out my new recipe at Cocina De Don Pedro!  Click on the picture to find out how to add this to your healthy recipe list.

Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 23

Are people really this stupid?  Oh wait!

Sorry, wrong segment.  This is about Foods That Will Make You Fat, Right?

You're probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me, but after witnessing a Porkgasm for the first time, I absolutely lost it.  I couldn't remember whether I was coming or going.  Seriously, who comes up with these terrible concoctions?  Is it a sin to eat these type of foods?  Or is it a sin to overindulge yourself with food? I forget.

The Porkgasm

Shoot me now!  No. Really.  I don't even know what to say about this hot mess of a recipe.  The piggy above consists of bacon strips, bacon sausage, ham sausage, ham slices, smoked pork sausage and roasted pork belly surrounded by ground sausage, wrapped in bacon and roasted. Oh, and you can't forget the garnish, chili peppers for the ears and tail - the only fat free thing on this god-forsaken plate.  And what the hell is bacon sausage?

Egg n' Ham Sammich

Awww, why don't we give this horrible sandwich a cute little name like "sammich."  Really?  What idiot came up with this crazy mess?  And why would they use only 11 eggs and not a full dozen?  Whatever. This regular ham and cheese sandwich comes complete with 11 sunny-side up egg yolks, bread, ham and cheese.  Doesn't it look appetizing?

Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger

The Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger consists of the following: two sausage and pepperoni pizzas (serving as the bun), a 5-pound hamburger patty, two pounds of bacon, and two pounds cheese (plus an onion and two bulbs of garlic).  You think I'm kidding don't you?  You think I come up with all this crap on my own and just post it for laughs, right?  DAMMIT, YOU'RE WRONG!  Here's the other 9 pictures that preceded the one up above.

Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 22

I know all of you enjoy this particular segment.  Who doesn't want to know what other people are eating?  Who doesn't want to know what will surely cause them an early death?  Foods That Will Make You Fat, keeps you informed of all the latest trends in eatery.  Even though fast food restaurants are guilty of introducing us to ridiculous concoctions, most of these foods are put together by regular folks like you and me.  What drives one to create a hot mess of a recipe?

The Pizza Cone

This crazy idea gained popularity in Brazil, Portugal, and Italy, when a banker thought it would be a brilliant idea to introduce it to the fattest country in the world.  Did you hear that?  The fattest country in the world!  People are so excited that some are saying "You can totally walk with it, and you don't have the oil dripping all over you."  Key words: Oil and Dripping.  I guess it isn't such a crazy idea, it's a hit in Manhattan, New York.

The Fat Elvis

Really?  We all know Elvis was fat in his later years, but do we need to be reminded why he died.  I mean... this sandwich is stuffed with butter, peanut butter, bananas, bacon, honey and confectioner's sugar.  Not only will you become diabetic, but you'll collapse while cooking this shit.

The Spamsicle

Who the hell created this monstrosity?  Seriously? If I wanted some type of "sicle" in my menu, it definitely wouldn't be a deep fried piece of processed meat.  And with the beaten eggs, seasoned flour, and Japanese bread crumbs added you'll have enough carbs to last for the rest of year, if not your life.  So much for your Atkins diet.

YES!  THESE FOODS WILL MAKE YOU FAT!

Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 16

Go ahead, as yourself, "Why the hell am I fat?"  Oh.... because you just finished eating a MoFo "Meat Ship!"  As if any of my previous issues of "Foods That Will Make You Fat" are any different.  Once again, here's the next issue of foods that will make you barf.  Seriously, I could title this series many different ways.

Baconnaise

Okay, first things first, anyone who would buy this jar of crap is out of a job and hurting for some real hard-earned bacon (cash).  The economy must have hit them real hard, otherwise they'd be out buying some Grey Poupon.  Hell, I'd be buying me some dollar store mayonnaise before I touched a spoon of this shit. Make me barf now!

Chicago Deep Dish Pizza

Ahhh, the sound of a Dominoes Deep Dish pizza sounds real good right about now.  Scratch that!  After taking a look at this disgusting picture I don't think I ever want to see a pizza again!  OMG, they might as well have called this the heart-attack pizza.

Meat Ship

Anything that would have 20 sausages, 48 slices of bacon, 1.2 lbs of sausage meat, 1kg of pork mince, 10 franks, 1 lb. of pastry, 1 onion, 1 mushroom, 2 packets of chipolata sausages, various food colourings, and some sage has got to be out of their fucking mind!  Seriously, they outta lock you up and throw away the key.  A meat ship? Really? That is unbelievably disgusting!  If this doesn't put you on a diet, I don't know what will.

Foods That Make You Cringe - Issue No. 9

For my 9th issue of 'Foods That Make You Cringe,' I bring you two yummy sandwiches.  A delicious "Bay of Pigs Headwich" and a "Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger."  If this doesn't make you eat more salad, I don't know what will.

Courtesy of the book, "This Is Why Your Fat," every week I'll be stating the obvious fact - that people eat the craziest crap.

Bay of Pigs Headwich

Roast pork, ham, swiss pickles, caribbean killer sauce, honey mustard..with chips

Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger

A giant beef patty between two large meat pizzas, eggs, bacon, colby and pepper jack cheese.