OMG Hilarious! - Paper Mache

Snakes On A....

Snakes On A... Garage door????

This is what a co-worker found on her garage door this past weekend? A baby Water Moccasin (cottonmouth) - a very venomous snake!  And another co-worker found a 4 or 5 foot snake on her newly minted deck, she's not sure which species it belonged to, but it terrified her.

Imagine coming home from the grocery store one day, and there's this slimy friend waiting to greet you.  The thought is unimaginable, it would freak the hell out of me beyond belief.  Come to think of it, I'm cleaning my garage out this weekend. Lord knows I'm creating a breeding ground for snakes.

Drought conditions and snakes coming out of hibernation are what's causing all of this.  Not to mention, it's breeding season for these monsters.  The most likely reason people are seeing snakes in their yards, is because they're looking for water and food. To learn more about the most-venomous snakes in Texas, you can visit A&M's Veterinary Medicine website to read this article, Venomous Snakes of Texas, and also, When The Snakes Come Marching In.  These were very informative articles - better to be prepared, than not at all.

The Six Degrees of Steak Doneness

Ever go to a restaurant, order a steak, and you're never exactly sure how it's cooked, or wonder how much blood you'll find dripping off your plate?

Well... here's the chart of all cooking charts.  You can now determine how precise your steak is cooked the next time you visit your local Outback Steakhouse, Red Lobster, or Texas Roadhouse.  A little on the bloody side or the burnt side, you decide.  

I know how to cook steaks, because of my countless years in the restaurant business, but for most folks, they have no idea.  So print this out, take it with you, and the next time you learn your steak wasn't done to perfection, pull out your meat and show it to your waiter - hopefully he's hot. :-)

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Memorial Day - Think About It!!!

I actually posted this in May of 2007, but there is no time like the present to re-post one of my old posts, especially in a momentous occasion such as this. I did a few edits, due to it being 4 years since 2007.  I'm so happy I found it; it took me almost an hour to find it on my old MySpace Blogs.

In times like these, Memorial Day shouldn't be treated like most national holidays. It deserves better.

For far too many people, Memorial Day is defined more by backyard cookouts and department store sales than by the memory of the servicemen and women who died defending this country. In this way, the day is much like the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas - a national holiday diminished by commercialism and indifference.

This is no appeal to partisanship. The men and women of our armed forces are citizen soldiers, not members of sectarian brigades. They have sworn an oath to the nation, not to the Republican or Democratic parties. And they do their duty regardless of which political party controls the White House.

So it shouldn't matter whether you support or oppose U.S. involvement in Iraq or Afghanistan. On this Memorial Day, we all ought to honor the more than 5,000 Americans who have died in this conflict.

As Abraham Lincoln said of the Civil War dead in his Gettysburg Address, they gave their "last full measure of devotion" to this nation. So it isn't asking too much for us to take a day to remember them.

Ironically, while many of the politicians debating the U.S. role in Iraq and Afghanistan are well-known to us, the names of most of our war dead are not. For most Americans, they're just numbers in a growing list of men and women who didn't return home alive.

We owe it to their families and friends to pause on Memorial Day - not for a grilled hamburger or a department store sale - but to praise the courage and sacrifices of those who have died in Iraq. The debate that now rages between the Republican White House and the Democratically controlled Congress over U.S. involvement in Iraq shouldn't blind us to this responsibility.

If ever there was a time for the people of this country to find common ground, to stand together and put aside our differences, this Memorial Day is it.

OMG Hilarious! - Outdoors

What a Hot Mess: The Wonder Woman Shorts That Could Have Been

The more I think about it, I'm so glad the new Wonder Woman series wasn't picked up.  After seeing this hot mess today, the show was bound for a disaster.

The actress, the costume design, just about everything was going wrong when it was thrown out by NBC.  I can't say much about the script, because I never read it, but after hearing from folks who have, I'm going to refrain from reading it.  I've have such a high regard for David E. Kelly, that if I were to find out he wrote a hot mess, I would be disappointed.

And what is up with those shorts?  The belt itself, covers the whole damn outfit!  Ugh! Why can't we get Wonder Woman off the ground!  The Justice League is nothing without Wonder Woman.

American Pride - Issue No. 1

In honor of Memorial Day here are some hotties showing their American Pride.

Keeping It Old Skool - Issue No. 9 - Battle of the Nerf

I'm sure by now every kid in America has grown up playing with some type of Nerf product.  Growing up I used to play with the guns and sportballs, they were so much fun.  Of course back in the 80's we didn't have quite the selection they do now.  Watching this video brings back memories, it was definitely fun to watch.  

Most of the toys are made of a foam-based material and are neon in color.  Parker Brothers created the toy in 1969, according to Wikipedia, but didn't really take off until the 1980's and 1990's.

Caution:
Watch as these kids partake in a violent nerf battle, but it's unlike any you've seen before.  This one comes complete with blood and gore.  Kudos to whoever put this together, though, it may not be suitable for children to watch. LOL. literally.

Movie Posters Redone

Check out these humorous poster designs by brickhut, these are a few of my favorite.  

I especially love The Breakfast Club. Priceless.

The Joys of Being a Parent: The Happy Meal

Yesterday I posted this really cute video of a child fearing his mother's wrath.  He was so scared his mother was going to kill him, because he lost her camera in the snow.  

This time a boy is so happy to find a Happy Meal toy he's always wanted.  Too cute.  The joys of being a parent...

OMG Hilarious! - Mark It Off The List

A special "OMG Hilarious!" issue after the jump.

America's Most Protected Car

Ever wonder how well our U.S. President is protected?  Well the Daily Mail felt it was a great idea to share the news to the rest of the world, and all our terrorist friends.  In article titled, "How Barack Obama's armour-plated Beast was grounded in Ireland: Let's hope it doesn't hit any speed bumps in London," the online news site provided a detailed image of President Obama's car, along with where his pump-action shotguns are stored.  And since the image has already reached the entire hemisphere, let's take a look inside...

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Movies to Watch: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

I'm sorry, but movies back in the 70's were so damn creepy, it would make your skin crawl.  Seriously, you had the Amityville Horror, Halloween, The Exorcist, The Shining, Jaws, and even "made for TV movies," like "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark."

Due to Hollywood running out of ideas, they remade every movie I just mentioned with the exception of Jaws.  Don't get me wrong, they've made countless of shark movies since Jaws, like the one I just mentioned 2 days ago, but none of them will ever measure up.

I'm writing this post, because the 1973 "made for TV movie," "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" was just remade, but at least it was directed by someone who knows how to make movies, Guillermo del Toro.  If you have never seen any of his movies, you should.  His movies, Pan's Labyrinth, and The Orphanage (which sadly, they're re-making), were so good, they put many of Hollywood's producers to shame.  Ryan and I had the pleasure of watching The Orphanage last night, and it was exceptionally good.  The movie leaves you appreciating the people you love and believing in them when things go wrong.

The remake which stars Katie Holmes and Guy Pearce is described by Rotten Tomatoes as a young girl who...

inadvertently unleashes a race of ancient monsters while exploring her father's 19th century mansion in this horror remake written by Guillermo del Toro and Matthew Robbins, and directed by newcomer Troy Nixey. Introverted Sally Hurst (Bailee Madison) has just moved in with her father, Alex (Guy Pearce), and his girlfriend, Kim (Katie Holmes), when she realizes that their sprawling estate holds its fair share of secrets. Descending into the depths of the house, Sally gains access to a secret lower level that has lain undisturbed for nearly a century, when the original builder vanished without a trace. When Sally accidentally opens the gateway that kept the creatures locked up tight, she realizes that in order to prevent them from destroying her family she must convince her skeptical father that monsters really exist. ~ Jason Buchanan

Watch the trailer here.

While the movie feels much like a Guillermo del Toro movie, watch the original 1973 made for tv trailer after the jump, it's really creepy.

The Joys of Being a Parent: Miles, Mommy Won't Kill You (video)

 

If you have children, this video will absolutely make you laugh, and remind you of how precious it is to have them in our lives.  This has got to be one of the cutest videos I have recently come across in a very long time.  I absolutely loved it.  

It seems like it's a clip from America's Funniest Home Videos, because of the ABC logo displayed on the bottom corner, and you can clearly hear the audience laugh to "Miles, Mommy won't kill you."

Batman Live Arena Tour

We've watched the news, read the newspaper, checked our online sources, and the Spider-Man Broadway show in New York has been a disaster from the "get-go", but the UK's Batman Live Arena Tour may be a different story.  The show released a new trailer to their much-anticipated European tour, and it looks pretty darn awesome.  The critics are complaining already, but I truly see hope in this.  First, it's not a musical, and second it looks like something Cirque du Soleil would put together.  Who knows, maybe the tour will make it to the U.S.  

According to the BBC this massive on stage production cost millions, and promises a 100-foot stage "that will house scale models of Gotham City and a circus tent." The show also promises a Batmobile, martial arts and "gadgets."

Check out the trailer...

The first show for Batman Live, opens at the M.E.N. Arena on July 19, 2011. For more info go to www.batmanlive.com

OMG Hilarious! - Old Smokey

Moments Later....

The New York City Subway Stripper

Only in New York City would you see something like this, not in Houston.  Are you kidding me? This would be breaking news on our all our local news affiliates, and I'm sure our local Fox station would have a field day with this.  I just can't imagine anyone doing this on our Metro Rails.

Folks riding the subway L train in New York were in for a shocker when "Alejandro" removed his clothes, and started working the pole, in heels no less.  A Missy Elliot song was playing in the background, as other passengers pleasantly joined him with their own style of dancing.  I especially love how everyone had their cell phones out capturing the hotness before them. LOL

Gallon to Gallon

Remember my earlier post, the one where it showed the price of gasoline in the United States compared to the rest of the world?  Well, what if we were to compare the price of gas to the equivalency of our household products.  

I especially like the comparison to the 16oz. Grande Latte from Starbucks, because I know co-workers who bitch about our rising gas prices, yet they spend their money on bad habits.  Let's see.... it pretty much rounds up to $32 a Gallon! 

Think about that, next time you complain about rising gas prices.

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What a Hot Mess: The New CW Show "H8R"

What a Hot Mess!  This show is going to be too hilarious not to watch.  Ryan babe, set the DVR, we are watching this show!  If you haven't seen or heard of it, here's your chance.  The show premieres this fall, along with all our other show favorites.

Every one of you are the same, you watch a show, and you bitch about a contestant or celebrity who rubs you the wrong way, or you simply just don't like them.  I know, I do it at work all the time.  It's water-cooler fodder.  

I'm not a hater, but I do hate the actions some of these folks portray on national television.  On the other hand, I do have a few friends who hate. And they're haters through and through.  They'll say it straight to your face, "I don't like her, I never have."

The show, hosted by Mario Lopez, deals with celebrities who confront the very people who talk shit about them. These fans, or people who have never seen their show are thrown for a loop when they're approached by the celebrity in person.  In the two clips below, Snooki from the famous "Jersey Shore" cast, walks into a pool hall to confront her vicious H8R, “So I don’t understand why you’re calling me a drunken slob cuz that’s all you see of me..." At first, he had been ranting on the video that she was an Italian wannabe, and when she confronted him about it, he didn't have anything to say. But not this time, he sarcastically tells her, “Cuz you are a drunken slob.”  In the second clip, a woman named Deena has been bitching about how Kim Kardashian displays her ass all over the place, "we don't get praise for this" as she puts her hands on her hips. "but all of the sudden we got this damn Kim K and now all these white bitches got azzz... it's f***ing up the game for me!"  Kim confronts Deena at what seems to be her yoga class.

What a hot mess! This show is going to be the shit. 

Watch Kim confront Deena after the jump...

I Quote That - To Gay

Jimmy Fallon's Pros & Cons of Oprah's Last Show

As everyone knows by now, Oprah's last show, after 25 years on network television, ended on Wednesday, May 25th.  And as heartbreaking as it was to millions of women and gays around the world, Jimmy Fallon had to humor her audience in the most comical of ways.  By distinguishing the Pros & Cons of Oprah's last show.

You Know You're Hooked!

Admit it, you're thirsty for blood, you're hooked, and you're dying for some True Blood.  Out of all our summer shows, Ryan and I are definitely looking forward to this one.

Earlier this month, HBO teased us with a full-length trailer letting us know, "the wait is almost over," and yesterday, they teased us with a new promotional poster stating, "You Know You're Hooked."  Now, they bring us three more fabulous posters separating the casts in their prospective roles.  I'm so darn excited.

Oh, and just in case you missed it, you can catch a glimpse of their most recent trailer after the jump - it introduces us to some new characters on the show.  

Also, if you can't get enough vampires, shape-shifters, werewolves and fairies; The new season of True Blood will feature a fabulous coven of witches!

OMG Hilarious! - Burn

The Talent Down Under

I'm excited about America's Got Talent.  It premiers on May 31st, my mum's birthday!  This will be the 4th season Ryan and I will be watching this together, and as most of you know, hot guys audition, performing all sorts of strange, and unusual talents.  Yes, even the ladies as well.  But Mr. Dylan, from Australia's Got Talent has got to take the cake with his rendition of "Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones.  He not only stripped into his tiny red shorts, but revealed an amazingly hot body underneath.  The Australians went absolutely crazy over his performance.  Never mind that his cover wasn't any good.

Wait, till America's Got Talent gets under way next week.  Talk about wholesome family viewing.  I'm sure the hypocrites will be out chastising the straight women stripping and frolicking all over the show, not to mention the other obscene talents that go on.  But noooooooo, chastise Gaga for being a bit too risque for 6, 7 and 8 year old children. In either case, it was fun entertainment, Dylan was voted through to the next round.

The Great Homosexual Handshake!

Courtesy of the Landover Baptist Church, this useful chart was handed out to their members, and the surrounding communities to warn them of potential gays in the area.  Yes, The Homo Handshake, because we all do this when we shake hands with our heterosexual counterparts.  God, I love America!
 

OMG Hilarious! - A Great Catch

I Caught this video online and had to share it. OMG it's Hilarious!  The synopsis states "when you're looking for love a gal's gotta get a little crafty."  It actually stars the real Chris Hansen - it's not a look-a-like.  

If you're not familiar with the "To Catch A Predator" series you may not know who I'm talking about, but it was a show which revolved around catching potential internet sex predators by using a sting operation.  It was actually a very good show, it was cancelled in 2008,"because the show became so popular that it became harder to attract potential predators on site to the location of where it would be filmed."

Post Secret Fridays - Issue 061

 PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

 See More Secrets. Follow PostSecret on Twitter.

Want to see more PSF posts? Go here.

Gaga From Eternia! (Video Included)

If you watched the finale of American Idol Wednesday night, you may have caught a glimpse of Lady Gaga frolicking above the stage with hottie, Mark from SYTYCD, no complaints here - he's smokin' hot!!!!  And yes, Gaga was in an incredibly outrageous outfit atop Castle Grayskull! LOL.

For those interested in knowing... Mark Kanemura's post from May 12th is currently my most viewed post of all time with 2,700 page views, and it's only been 2 weeks since I've posted it.

While Gaga's monsters loved her performance last night, many thought it was a bit risque for American television audiences.  Thank God, this isn't Germany, otherwise we'd be watching men playing with each other on live TV.  The Mother Monster performed her "Edge of Glory" track, and it was utterly fabulous!  Better than the original recording in MHO (my humble opinion).

A few words from the hypocrites.

I think Lady Gaga is great! She's talented and fun. But AI is a show that is supposed to be a family show. How many viewers were little kids whose parents let them stay up to watch the AI finale? Gaga is just too sexual for little kids to be watching. Lauren and Scotty said that they have been watching AI for 10 years - that means that they were 6 and 7 years old when they started. How many 6, 7, 8 and 9 year olds were watching last night? Probably loads of them, and they were watching Lady Gaga in sexual positions with a man on top of her, under her, etc. Give it a break American Idol. Allow kids to grow up in their own time and keep the show family friendly.

I find it so hypocritical that it's okay for Britney Spears to kiss Madonna on live television with their tongues down each other's throats, and then Britney kissing Rihanna recently, but Gaga plays with a young man, nonetheless, and it's blasphemy.  People are fascinating. This whole thing has been going on since Elvis was shown on TV from the waist up. She's talented, but she's also smart enough to know what gets people talking. Here's a popular young singer making 'suggestive maneuvers,' Puritan prudes outraged by it. LOL, and it'll be going on 100 years from now, too.

Let's watch the performance, just for everyone's sake. ;-)

The Battle Rounds - Week 3

Now this is what I'm talking about!  This week's Battle Rounds was fantastic!  Loved each pairing, and the battles were tough. If you've missed the previous two rounds, don't worry, because I have posted "Battle Round - Week 1" here, and "Battle Round - Week 2" here.  Next week is the final Round before the contestants go live in front of a large television audience, where we will decide their fate.  Not sure how this portion will work, but I'm sure they'll explain it as they did the Battle Rounds segment. 

As with the previous two rounds, Sia, Reba McEntire, Adam Blackstone, and Monica were back to help the judges with their contestants.  They offered advice, and suggested a few changes to their styles of singing; a few of them were nervous, but so were the judges.

In the following video, Julia Eason and Raquel Castro battle it out, singing, "Only Girl" by Rihanna

I didn't take me long to decide on this one.  Raquel looked intimidated by tiny Julia Eason who was kicking her ass on the song.  But it wasn't just the singing, it was the outgoing personality Julia contributed to the performance.  Luckily for Christina, she agreed with me on this. 8-1

In the following video, Serabee and Dia Frampton battle it out, singing, "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes

Wow, what a tuffie!  It was the preacher girl against the soft-spoken angel.  While Dia didn't belt it out like she was in the church choir down in the Bible belt, she held her own and was consistent throughout her performance.  It didn't take long for Blake Shelton to make his decision, during the mentoring session he stressed how much he didn't like loud singers or runs.  While most of America probably would have chosen Serabee, I chose Dia.  I don't know why, there's just something about her that I like. I lie. I do know why.  She's a damn good singer!  A little soft, but she was able to stand up to that preacher girl.  She was "Born This Way" dammit! 9-1

In the following video, Rebecca Loebe and Devon Barley battle it out, singing, "Creep" by Radiohead

OMG - definitely the best performance of the night!  I'm surprised Adam chose two of his best singers to perform against each other.  I think he knew he made a mistake, and it was too late to change his mind.  At one point he stated he couldn't pick anyone, but in the end he had to.  And he chose Devon.  There's something about him being the son of two doctors who want him to go to school instead of following his dream, that makes it bittersweet. Rebecca and Devon really sounded great together - they would make a cute couple too :-) 10-1

In the following video, Kelsey Rey goes up against sisters, Tori and Taylor Thompson battling it out to "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield 

What the hell crawled up Cee Lo's ass!?! Seriously!  Kelsey took this to the bank and back, and he chooses the Thompson sisters?  Really?  Where were you when they won "American Juniors?"  They still suck - nothing's new.  This was definitely disappointing. 10-2

Remember! Next week is the final Battle Round; Make sure to watch it!

Keeping It Old Skool - Issue No. 8 - Jelly Shoes

If you were not wearing these, you were not cool.  Seriously people, what were you all thinking?  Sometimes I revel in the idea that the 80's were the decade of the century, and it makes me proud knowing I was a part of it, but other times I'm caught having to re-examine my youth. LOL

Every girl had them, every mom loved them, and if you didn't have a pair, you threw away the chance of becoming a "Heather (I'll save that for another post)."  In my humble opinion, I think they were a hit, because all the girls could afford them.  It didn't matter if you were rich or poor, they were only a dollar.  Why did girls wear them? I'm still trying to figure that one out, all they did was complain about them.  They caused excessive sweating, blisters and even caused cuts on their feet; I have a younger sister, I know.

According to Wikipedia, the creator is unknown, believe me when I say this - I'm still trying to figure that one out too!  But it was interesting to find out they were made of PVC plastic - the same plastic your plumbing is probably made of, except condensed.  In either case, the shoes have come back in style, twice - once in the mid-1990's, and in 2003.  Now you can have jellies in heels, jellies in sandals, jellies, jellies, jellies!  And if you really want to join a fan club, you can "like" it's Facebook page here, i used to wear jelly shoes.  No really, you can.  Okay, I need to see a doctor after this post. Geezus!

Wish to see past issues of Keeping It Old Skool? View Them Here!

I Quote That - It's Up To You