And On The Eighth Day, God Created....

The Party Rock Anthem Halloween House

In the spirit of Halloween I bring you The Party Rock Anthem Halloween House!  Not as good as Ohio University's marching band, but quite entertaining.  Enjoy.

I Quote That - You Are My Sunshine...

When we met, I told you that a relationship would never work, unless the person you came to love became your one and only best friend.  Holding true to my words, we've become the bestest of friends and the greatest of lovers.

Words will never compare to how much you mean to me, Ryan Lopez, but just to let you know...  It's been nearly 6-1/2 years, and my love for you has never waivered. You continue to make me smile and laugh, but most importantly you make me feel loved...  You are my sunshine.

Dare To Fight A Ninja?

The next time you think you can fight a ninja, come prepared. This is no ordinary Ninja.  LMAO.  Absolutely genius!  I loved it!

The United States of Scary Things

I think this chart is close to accurate.  Especially when you talk about gambling addiction, mormons, the devil, and the lobster people. LOL.

Poster of the Week - Issue No. 32 - Incompetence

Continuing alphabetically, I bring you this week's poster, "Incompetence".

Must Listen: Mom and Facebook

And this is the reason my mom doesn't have Facebook.  Otherwise my sister and I would have these exact same voicemails. Absolutely hilarious, but ohhhh so very true!!!

Bry? Uhh... Melissa and Bethany and Aunt Susan said they all like my status.  What is that?  They commented on my status.  Is that the same thing as that thing you made up for me or what? Cause I don't quite get it.  Just let me know when you have enough time 'cause I'm going up to Cameron Park to go to the Wal-Mart I have to check on somethin' so... I have my phone on, 'kay?  I can't figure that out, what they're commenting on.  I wish they would have SAID something.  I think it's one of those 'likes'. But I don't know what they like.  What do they like? Okay, bye."

Isn't This The Truth? Percentage of Millionaires

So sad, but honestly true!

I'm Da Bomb

Racial profiling at it's best. OMG, this was hilarious!  "Change Your Shirt!"  

I don't know which is funnier, this video or the TSA-PSA from two days ago.  I'm so LMAO!

"Why wouldn't you wear that shirt?!!! Do I have to spell it out for you?!!! Why my buddy 'Haghmed' can't wear his 'I'm Da Bomb' shirt to the airport to get on a plane?"

And This Is How Lego Came To Be...

Jedward and Their Superman Undies

Okay.....  This is wrong on so many levels.  The 20-year old former X-factor twins have released a video of themselves in their Superman undies.  For their adoring fans, I'm sure.

First, looking at it has to be a crime. Second, we're now this much (pinching my fingers) closer to seeing the next twin porn stars on blu-ray and dvd.  Jesus Christ!

Shakespearean Insults

Do you want to insult your friends, but don't want to use curse words to do it?  Do you want to talk back to your parents, because you're not getting what you want?  Well, you don't have to wait any longer, you can now use this handy Shakespearean chart to help you insult them.

The next time your friend tells you you've gained a few pounds, tell them you "frothy, flap-mouthed, foot-licker!" and the next time your parents tell you that you can't spend the night at your boyfriend's house, snap back at them and say, "you tottering, motley-minded, hugger-mugger!"

Must Watch - Must Listen: Don't Hold Back, Just Push Things Forward

Let's get our Saturday morning started with a fabulously awesome mashup on YouTube.  

According to it's description, the mashup was put together by a guy named Chris Evans-Roberts, an award winning composer, sound designer and multi-instrumentalist. He has composed music for international companies and scored films that have received critical acclaim at European film festivals. He runs the company Ithaca Audio.  

The tracks used in this video were:

Isaac Hayes - Theme from Shaft
John Williams - The Imperial March
Leftfield - Phat Planet
Chemical Brothers - Galvanized
Sugarhill Gang - Apache (Switch Remix - A bit patchy)
Fatboy Slim - Praise You
Doug Wood Band - Drag Racer (BBC Snooker Theme)
Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
The Streets - Push things forward

You Will Always Be Kevin!

He played deranged NYC club kid, Michael Alig in The Party Monster, a wheel chair-bound student in a Conservative Christian high school in Saved, a boy who died from a bee sting in "My Girl," and an evil child in "The Good Son," but no matter how you look at him, in our eyes he will always be Kevin McAllister from Home Alone.

Must Watch: It Getteth Better

Oh M Gee, the Lord, thy God, has created his own "It Gets Better video," and it's absolutely hilarious!

On November 1, Simon & Schuster is publishing THE LAST TESTAMENT: A Memoir by God, co-written with David Javerbaum, the 11-time Emmy Award-winning former head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and in order to publicize his book, they have released this candid animated promo...

"Look, I created the garden of Eden, does thou really think I would entrust such a high pressure landscaping job to straight people? Use thy head."

"I love all human beings equally, and punish them equally. Gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, thou are all equally smiteful in my eyes"

The First Four Words Apply To You...

Too funny, my first four words were, "Bay," "Sentimental," "Love," and "Passionate."  What are your first four words?

 

I Quote That - Heart and Life

Oh, this is so very true!  Thank you Christopher Maldonado for sharing this wonderful quote.

Quoted: Mark Driscoll - Your Next Mega Church Celebrity Pastor

“Masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.” - Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle’s Mars Hill Church.

Damn, I almost feel bad for all the straight men and boys, because if you've done such a horrendous thing, you're gay.  And parents, you better keep a watchful eye on your son's extracurricular activities, you don't want them turning out like you. GAY!

Seriously speaking though...  I'm a Christian and believe in God, but what drives people of faith to listen to this mess?  And to believe it nonetheless.

What a Hot Mess: Have Yourself A Very Merry Biebmas

Seriously?  It's October.  OCTOBER!!!!!  WHAT A HOT MESS!

Justin Bieber has released his first Christmas single, "Under The Mistletoe", and with all the flak they give Lady Gaga, this song sounds eerily familiar to other tracks I've heard before.

But guess what?  You're going to hear this song over the holidays over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and... do I need to go any further?  Might as well start listening to it now.

7 million views on YouTube and it's only been out 3-1/2 days.  Jesus Christ!  Sorry Jesus, It's the Biebs, he's in charge now - everyone idolizes this kid. 

Post Secret Fridays - Issue 080

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

See More Secrets. Follow PostSecret on Twitter.

On the back of the card: the trouble is i don't think i have the kind of loneliness that other people can cure

-----Email-----
No, you don't. I have all three and feel more alone than ever.

Want to see older Post Secret Friday issues? Go here.

Must Watch: TSA - PSA

The holidays are upon us, and well...  It's a fact, more people are screened and patted down at airports during the holidays than any other time during the year.  And The Transportation Security Administration wants to make sure you're completely satisfied.  They even go as far as to say, "It's our business to touch yours".  LMAO!  this was hilarious, check it out.

The Ugly Bag

Yes, this bag is only for ugly people, and it's heavy duty for extra ugliness.  But please note that in the event that you're super ugly, two bags may be necessary in case one breaks.

Are People Really This Stupid? Issue No. 11 - Lions, Tigers and Bears

By now you've probably read about or heard of the story out of Zanesville, Ohio, where an idiot released 56 exotic animals before he shot himself to death.  

Why he was allowed to own them is beyond me.  Scratch that!  In Ohio you are allowed to own whatever the hell you want.  Are people really this stupid?

I'm going to say yes, and I'm also going to say yes to the idiots (the cops) who killed all 18 Bengal Tigers, of which are rare, with only a few thousand in existence today.  They also shot and killed, 6 bears, several lions, wolves and monkeys.  It was a massacre!

Why didn't law enforcement use tranquilizers?  These animals could have gone to zoos across the nation.  It's a travesty, I'm telling you.

Terry Thompson was recently released from prison for illegal firearm possession, his wife left him, and didn't have the means to continue feeding these creatures.  Supposedly he did this in retaliation of his neighbors and the cops.  I would understand if all the creatures ventured into town and needed to be put down to protect the residents, but as you can see in the picture, most of them were together.

Definitely sadness all around.

OMG Hilarious! - The War

Foods That Will Make You Fat - Issue No. 24

Lord have mercy on my soul.  Please forgive me!  I only post this weekly segment, because I want to showcase everyone's creative ideas in the kitchen. Honest! 

I mean, where would we be without our "Porkgasms", "The Spamsicle", "The Fat Koko", "The Thunderdome", and "The Meat Baby"?

Oh. I know. In hell!!!

The Fat Monkey

After you eat this crap, YOU WILL be a Fat Monkey.  If the two slices of chocolate chip banana bread weren't enough, you've gone ahead and added layers of Nutella, bananas and marshmallow creme.  And you don't stop there.  You decide to dip it in cake batter and deep fry it, because frying will add 200 more grams of FAT.  You see, this is usually where I stop.  But noooooooo, there's more....  You can't forget to dip it in melted chocolate and roll it in toasted almonds and coconut.  Shoot me now!

Grease Lightning

Yum, I've always wanted to make this dish..  I'm lying.

Why the hell would I go to Jack In The Box and buy an order of curly fries, head to McDonald's and buy a box of chicken nuggets, drive to Furr's to buy a chicken fried steak, stop by Sonic to buy a corn dog, and  park myself at Wal-Mart to get some pizza rolls?  Why? Why would I do such a ridiculous thing?  Because I want to make that fabulous dish, up there?  NO, because I want to kill myself by adding even more ingredients, like chili, bacon and sliced hot dogs.

The Sexy 'Smore

Doesn't this dessert look utterly delicious?  Look at all that raspberry jam oozing out of that graham cracker sandwich filled with peanut butter, marshmallows and milk chocolate.  You achieve this by microwaving the ingredients until the fillings reach a liquid consistency.  Unless you live in South Texas, where you can just leave it on the counter until it eventually melts.

How To Prank Your Friends With Siri...

OMG, I'm having so much fun with this bitch named Siri, and I don't even own her yet!  LOL.  Anywho - here's how to prank your friends who have the new iPhone 4S.

The Woes of Being a Bad Parent - Your Son's Drawers

LOL. I swear, why don't I take a picture first and then help my kid?

Okay, yes it's funny as shit, but geez.  Thank God, the kid didn't seriously injure himself.

Facebook Pic Priorities. LOL.

Yes, I Still Have The Original iPhone...

Despite the fact that it's been dropped hundreds of times, run over once, and in a swimming pool for 15 to 20 minutes - the damn thing still lives on.  Sorry guys, but I'm waiting for the iPhone 6 or 7 - so hush.

Why do I want to buy something that ain't going to understand "ain't" or "work"?  Like this poor Japanese guy who can't get that dumb bitch, Siri to understand him.

Madonna vs. Lady Gaga: The Many, Many Phases of Two Self-Defined Pop Sensations

Madonna and Lady Gaga:  two shameless pop stars willing to try anything, no matter how abominable or shocking, to secure a seat at the top of the charts (and tabloids). Some say that Lady Gaga is merely a Madonna clone, while others sing her praises as a fashionista and a perfect example of a woman who refuses to be defined by anyone but herself.  Whichever way you look at it, Madonna and Lady Gaga have gone through more phases and costume changes than most of us have had hot dinners.  We revisit some of the most memorable.

Check out Madonna after the jump...

OMG Hilarious! - Bad News

If The World Were A Village of 100 People: Issue No. 7 - Language

What if the world were a village of 100 people?  Using statistics based on the spread of the population in the world, Toby Ng Design created this poster as another way of looking at how our world is today.  

There are 13 more posters I will share with you in the coming weeks; This is the 7th of 20.  

If you missed any of the previous issues, click here.

They Won't Give You Your Buses Back! They're Republicans.

For the past several weeks I have been driving down our through street and noticed several signs saying "Facebook / We Want Our Buses Back".  

I didn't know know what this was in reference to, so I asked my partner Ryan and he informed me that the children who live within 2 miles of any Spring, ISD school are no longer being picked up for school.  They took their buses away, and Facebook was the only way they knew how to spread the message across.

When I went online to investigate what was going on, I was dumbfounded by what I saw.  Article after article, news story after news story on this very topic.  Damn, where the hell have I been?  We pay taxes to this school district!

The school district use to bus students who lived past 1/4 mile to the schools. This school year, they decided they were going to the statewide accepted 2-mile distance, which puts most students in the "walking" category, unless they have a "hazardous route" (as defined by the same accepted policy. Problem is, this is a small, but very congested community, and even though the posted speeds are within their "safe" speed, no one drives that posted speed limit. They expect our kids to walk along Cypresswood, Aldine-Westfield, and other dangerous roads--not to mention past tons of sexual predators. Just last year, a teenage girl went missing right after she got off the bus, and hasn't been found yet! Their website (www.springisd.org) has the hazardous route info if you're interested. I think it's under the general information tab, then bus routes. The school district knew that anybody in their right mind that had another choice wasn't going to let their kids walk, which leads to a very horrible traffic congestion, which ticks people off even more. So we have even more dangerous situations with people driving worse because they're ticked at being made to sit through the same red light 2 or 3 times. I've seen people driving down the wrong side of the road and through fields on the road our school is on. Not to mention huge dump trucks and other construction type vehicles. It's just insane that they would think we'd let our kids walk around there. Some people don't have a choice and are forced to fear for their lives and their children's lives every day of school. They say they're doing this because of budget shortfalls. Well, part of that shortfall may be to do with the fact that our Superintendent supposedly decided a couple of years back that he needed to drive a $52000+ Porsch! Go figure!

Let's see... who's in control of the state legislature that passed this horrendous 2-mile law?  Hmmm, who's hurt our teachers, firefighters and policemen in this state?  But most of all, who's hurt our children by cutting financial aid and other services, that we as taxpayers help provide?  I'll give you one guess... Ricky Perry and The Republicans!

But guess what???  Don't blame them, because nothing is their fault.  Isn't that what they always say?

Where Your Pen Ends Up When You Drop It...

LOL, Isn't this the truth!

I Quote That - I'm Completely Happy!

OMG Hilarious! - Ding Dong

Today's Cyanide and Happiness was downright hilarious, but only if you've seen the disgusting movie, The Human Centipede, and are excited about seeing the new movie, The Human Centipede 2.

Must Watch: The Job Reference

Remember that job interview from last week?  Well, imagine listing your friend as a personal reference on your job application?

Link wants to do some substitute teaching at a local middle school, and asks his childhood friend/roommate, Rhett, if he could put in a good word for him.   Rhett replies and asks, "what do you want me to say?"  

"Just be honest," Link tells him, "let 'em know that I'm normal, that I'm not some criminal or psychopath."  And then the hilarity ensues.  OMG, it's freaking hilarious as shit!

Quoted - Zachary Quinto on Coming Out Earlier Today

"When i found out that jamey rodemeyer killed himself - i felt deeply troubled.  but when i found out that jamey rodemeyer had made an it gets better video only months before taking his own life - i felt indescribable despair.  i also made an it gets better video last year - in the wake of the senseless and tragic gay teen suicides that were sweeping the nation at the time.  but in light of jamey's death - it became clear to me in an instant that living a gay life without publicly acknowledging it - is simply not enough to make any significant contribution to the immense work that lies ahead on the road to complete equality.  our society needs to recognize the unstoppable momentum toward unequivocal civil equality for every gay lesbian bisexual and transgendered citizen of this country.  gay kids need to stop killing themselves because they are made to feel worthless by cruel and relentless bullying.  parents need to teach their children principles of respect and acceptance.  we are witnessing an enormous shift of collective consciousness throughout the world.  we are at the precipice of great transformation within our culture and government.  i believe in the power of intention to change the landscape of our society - and it is my intention to live an authentic life of compassion and integrity and action.  jamey rodemeyer's life changed mine.  and while his death only makes me wish that i had done this sooner - i am eternally grateful to him for being the catalyst for change within me.  now i can only hope to serve as the same catalyst for even one other person in this world.  that - i believe - is all that we can ask of ourselves and of each other." zq.

-By Zachary Quinto on October 16, 2011 8:26 AM